Asking for and receiving help is one of the hardest things that I’ve learned to surrender to.
Just a few weeks ago I was on a frantic hunt to obtain singing bowls for a very special, but also very last minute sound meditation ceremony. I sent only one email to *buy* bowls, and overnight (thank you Universe!), someone offered me a full set of singing bowls to *borrow*, not even knowing how special the ceremony was, just knowing that I was in need.
There is a time in my life that someone would have offered me a gift like that, something I wanted and needed so badly, and I would have said no.
For so long help made me uncomfortable because it meant I had to speak up for myself and I had to rely on someone else. I would get a mental image of someone rudely responding with “How dare you ask for this!” or wickedly laughing in my face. These images, although silly to think about now, used to be paralyzing for me. They used to stop me from asking for what I wanted – whether it was a little space, more money at a job, a new fork from a waiter, or asking a yoga instructor what song was it that they played in the middle of class – I used to stop myself all the time from asking for the little and big things that I wanted because I was afraid of someone saying no.
Although my journey stretches far beyond this year, it was this year that I decided to run for everything I was scared of, instead of run from it. I’ve learned that you get a fork when you ask for a fork from a waiter. I’ve learned that many people are more than happy to give you their playlists at the end of a yoga class. I’ve learned that the sky doesn’t start falling when you decide that a 9-5 job isn’t for you. I’ve also learned that sometimes people say no, and so far no one has laughed in my face.
Above all though, I’ve learned that under your fear, there is more fear. But instead of being paralyzed now, I realize those mental images of people telling me no are just a sign of something that I really want and to keep going.