How Do I Surrender?

There’s always someone asking “How am I supposed to let go?” or ”How am I just supposed to trust that everything is going to be okay?” If they asked the question in a different way, they might hear the absurdity of it… “How am I just supposed to let life happen?” is what they’re really asking. Well, that’s life, isn't it? Whether we think we are ready for it or not, the Universe is full of surprises and time and time again we are asked to prove to ourselves that we can get through anything.

Surrendering is an unraveling of our conditions, a letting go of expectations, a release that helps us move forward. Like everything in the human experience, surrendering carries lessons that always come back to the resilience and power of the self.

I remember a time when I couldn’t stand the idea of not knowing what was next. At work, new things would throw me for a loop. In relationships, I was bent out of shape with the unknown. With friends, when they changed plans “all of a sudden” I would go into a rage. Control is what I wanted. I wanted to know what to expect. I had a hard time evaluating where my life was going, not knowing what “risks” or “factors” lay ahead. 

Isn’t that what we’ve been raised to know though?

The unofficial ‘How To Become An Adult 101’ handbook states: Evaluate your risks, make a plan, find security…

But it’s missing the last page where it states, “and now watch your perfectly designed blueprint go into flames. Surrender to the fact that the only constant in the world is change.”

If you look close enough, you’ll realize surrender’s definition is a roadmap on how to allow.

Surrender (verb) 

  1. cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.

cease resistance” - to allow and accept

“to an enemy or opponent” - what is

and submit to their authority” - to be true

Some confuse surrendering with defeat. It does not mean we have to accept what is to be the end all, be all - surrendering simply means accepting what is to be, and by doing this, we allow (and naturally shift into) an environment where change and moving forward can happen. 

Surrendering is a gift and an act of love for yourself.

When we resist change or the what is-ness of a situation, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We find ourselves feeling stuck and icky, sometimes left feeling without power and without a say, sometimes we get angry or sad, some seek revenge… and while we must always hear out our feelings no matter how rational or irrational they may be, we can also choose to change a reactionary thought that keeps us stagnant, into a response that will allow us to move forward.

Too many times we try to reject the truth of a situation — the truth is not the enemy. Not accepting what is, that is the real enemy. 

If you become aware of yourself resisting, ask yourself this: Can I trust myself enough to handle whatever comes next, even if I don’t know what ‘next’ is?” 

The answer to this will always be yes, I guarantee you’ve already done it before, and I guarantee you can do it again.

If you’ve ever felt stuck you can probably related to initially (or maybe for a long time) not accepting the what-is-ness of a situation. Maybe you were in denial, maybe you didn’t like the outcome, maybe it hurt — But you can’t run from these things. You can’t avoid them (even if you bury them deep inside) because your feelings and trauma always find a way of coming up again if you haven’t given them the proper attention and love.

It’s not your fault! It’s natural to resist pain, humans want to avoid pain as much as possible. But it is your responsibility to find ways to cope with the world around you and the emotions that are fostered as a result — you’re the only person who can do this for you. To accept is to have to sit with the feelings, to have to process them, to acknowledge them, to look them in the face and say wow, that hurts right now and sometimes wow, I need to make some changes and another wow, I’m the only person that can do that.

Too many times we judge the outcome, we label people as the problem, we say something is “bad”, we find things to blame, we point fingers, we gossip, we ask the wrong questions.. and these things are pointless, they hurt us, they help us deny what is — it won’t make what happened any different. (Not to mention, it takes a lot of energy to avoid the inevitable!) What happens, happens, and eventually you have to give in.

These are the laws of the Universe you’re denying here — Who do you think will triumph in the end? ;)

And when we come to the realization that the only risk is to reject surrender and that our security lies is in surrendering, we must give ourselves this gift in five parts:

Part I

We allow and accept what is to be true

Part II

We call on compassion and love, 

and we move forward the best way we know how

Part III

Instead of reacting, we choose to respond

Part IV

We put our big-girl and big-boy pants on, 

we sit with our feelings, 

we gather our thoughts, 

and we make them as constructive as possible


Part V

We keep going.